It can't get any more depressing than this!
It's the last formal teaching day of the 5th yrs, the 3rd and 2nd yrs are all done with their exams and flying home (what will I give to be on that plane that John is on now flying across half the globe back to M'sia??)...and only the 4th yrs are left with 9 more agonising weeks to our final FINALS in the whole of Medic sch!!!


Ok, ok. Sorry that I whine. But that was really how I felt when I was walking home from hosp today. The thought of sitting in an airplace, all buckled up, the air stewardess giving the safety instructions, then hearing the propellers get louder and louder (and I remember exactly how it sounds like)...and then...finally...take off!!
Hmmm, don't think I'm helping myself feel any better here. But anyways...realise that it has been one whole month since I last blogged. Wonder if anyone still comes here to read this page? But if you're here now, imagine me flashing a big 'Darlie' smile at you and saying thanks for remembering me :)

Been quite a month. Really did hit rock bottom 2 weeks ever since coming to Scotland. Was the same ole battle of thoughts and mindsets. And while I was at it trying to reason out things with myself, the spirit of fear, rejection and inconfidence all decided to jump on the band wagon and surfaced all at once again. It's scary how one thought leads to another, and the next thing you know, you're withdrawing totally from what God is saying. Even talking to my whole family and being asked everyday what's wrong by the wonderful 9-Castlelites couldn't reconcile what I was feeling.

Was hell-ish: waking up and going to sleep every night, totally numb of any feelings, tired of reasoning, seeing no purpose in whatever I was doing...Even reading the Bible and listening to worship songs became so numb that I was totally untouched by what I read eventhough I knew it's God's word. Guess the intellect of mind can really blind you of what God can do and will do.

But God is God, He has His way of doing things and making things alright in the end:

'No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.' 1 Cor 10:13

Amazing promise. Was mid last week that I really felt this downward spiral must stop. And it's mind-blowing how when you put your foot down and make that faith decision, God can immediately give a total breakthrough in mindset.

Still don't know how I'm gonna pass my 4th yrs. But I trust that everything will turn out alright in the end. Been reading the promises of Isaiah. Hey...if He laid down the foundations of this whole world, what can't God do?


Woohoo! The weather is unbelievable! That week when it suddenly changed from winter to spring, and when I was storing up all my winter wear, it really felt as if we've managed to pull through a big ordeal. The daffodils are out in full force now, clear blue skies, sun blazing down, feeling the breeze through my (now long) hair...Wonders of God in every season :)