A year enveloped in your grace,
I finally grew to be a witness
of the impossibles made possible,
of the lost being found,
of the unbeliefs crushed under your feet.

At times,
disappointment comes knocking,
a burden of sadness sinks in deep,
and I get haunted
by a sense of helplessness,
but Lord you are my solace.
Not by works but by faith you said,
do not forsake your first love,
those who seek me,
lack no good thing.

Lord,
hear this prayer,
that all around will encounter you,
do not let them search in vain,
reveal yourself to them,
just like you have to me.

And here I am Lord,
looking forward to a new season,
of your great and undying love,
and try as the evil one might,
no one can hide you from me.

I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart;
I will tell of all your WONDERS. -Psalm 9:1

It is absolutely wonderful to wake up in the morning, peer out of the window and discover that everything's covered with snow. Never crossed my mind that I'd get to see so much snow in my lifetime, and it makes me so thankful for all the blessings and wonders of nature.



after me and woeilin screamed the whole house down to wake the rest up (ok, that's exaggerating, but honestly, it's so hard to wake ppl up during the holidays), we started our snow ball fight!! MUAHAHA!





was great fun ambushing whoever came out of the house. coz me and woeilin being the early birds managed to get out first and have a head start making the snow balls. but after a while it just became quite chaotic. there was snow flying everywhere. and man, it hurts when the snowball whacks you right on your cheeks. stupid woeilin...

and us being typical IMU-ians, couldn't really decide what to make, snowman or snow castle? we were building the snowman's body for 5 mins, then someone would decide that it's easier to make a castle, and then someone would start throwing snowballs again...think this went on for quite long before we finally concentrated on just snowman.







Nine Castle's missing Inno Lena, Effi Khoo and Eileen...muahaha bet they're gonna be so jealous.



Snow angel on the ground...


Pity the sun's out now, Mr Snowman's gonna be gone in another hour's time. but thank you God, for letting me experience one of the wonders you created in nature.

'Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.' Luke 2:11

This is one of the stained glass windows in St Severin Church that we saw in Paris. This church doesn't boast the grandeur of Notre Dame and it pales in comparison to St Chapelle with walls made of stained glass windows depicting 1134 biblical stories, but it was my favourite church in Paris. Maybe it was because St Severin Church is not publicised as a tourist attraction, and hence the place wasn't swamped by throngs of tourist snapping shots everywhere. I remember I was in the middle of a conversation with Jon and Kenny while walking into this 6th century church, but we started talking in whispers once we were inside the church. It was so quiet, so peaceful, so sacred. And I was reminded once again of that song Facedown by Matt Redman which starts off with 'Welcome in, to the courts of the king, I've been ushered in to your presence'. And that was how exactly I felt. The whole place just took my breath away. I was in the side chapel when the pipe organ (apparently one of the finest in Paris) in the main sanctuary began to play. and it was such an experience just sitting there enjoying the organ music, admiring the ancient architecture and giving thanks to God for every blessing he gave.





I won't say that Paris was an eye-opener, coz that'll be an understatement. It wasn't only the tourist attractions that were so memorable, but it was the whole experience starting from booking our own tics and accomodation, to navigating our ways around when we couldn't understand a single word of French on the signboards, and not forgetting trying to fend off some really dodgy and unpleasant characters in Paris. Had great fun spending time with Esther and old friend Atan, getting to know Kenny better, and seeing ShengYeeng open up so much (I never knew she could talk on and on for so long).


Eiffel. Honestly, it didn't look that great during daytime. But during the night, when every single 'tiang' is illuminated, it's just breath-taking. And thanks to Jeng, he told us that something happens at the strike of 12 every hour. True enough, the whole tower sparkles at the strike of 12 and continues for another 10 mins. Interesting fact of the day: maximum sway at the top of Eiffel is 12cm.


Arc de Triomphe - war monument of Napoleon I right in the centre of this crazy round-a-bout which is at least 5 lanes wide, except that it doesn't have any lane markings at all, and basically, it's just one crazy jam packed round-a-bout where we saw cars on the verge of colliding with each other. It has 12 avenues exiting from the round-a-bout. Me and Kenny ran to the middle of each avenue when it was green man and snapped 12 shots of 12 different angles of the arc. and this is a shot of us standing right in the middle below the arc with the camera placed on the floor.



Outside Notre Dame.


Inside Notre Dame.
Built in the age when there were no internet, TV, radio, good food, etc etc to distract people from building such great wonders.


Sainte-Chapelle. It still baffles me how people of the 13th century can come up with such ideas to draw 1000 over biblical stories on just plain glass and surround the whole church with it. and how did they manage to paint every single detail up to the character's eyes, the creases in the cloaks they were wearing, and their facial expressions? absolutely mind blowing.


Musee du Louvre.
Wow.
wait let me say that again.
WOW!
I never ever knew a painting can speak so much volume. And bear in mind, we're just normal people with no artistic eye viewing a painting with callous minds. but we were still drawn in awe of so many paintings. there was this one painting, think it was the Coronation of Empress Josephine by Napoleon I. the 6 of us stood in front of it for at least 5 minutes, just taking in the whole painting. it was amazing!
Mona Lisa was...eerie. At first when I squeezed past the throngs of people and got to the front to get a good view, I was thinking: what? that's it?? but the longer I stood in front of the painting, the more creepy I felt. it was as if she had this secret smile and she knew every single little thing about me. but otherwise, the portrait was actually quite disappoiting.
there was one single theme that kept appearing again and again in countless paintings - the story of Jesus, from his birth, to his resurrection.
we spent a whole day in the museum, but i think we barely viewed a quarter of everything there. apparently, if you spend just 10 secs on each art, it would still take you nearly 4 days to cover everything.

ultimate chocolate experiences in Paris. I'm sure Esther will blog about it. so read hers.



the only thing I miss about Paris is their Baguette. Had that for nearly every meal. Somehow it just taste different. hard crust soft inside. yum. the last night we decided to splurge a bit and went for more high class dining. that was where you find the 'eat all you can' profiteroles shown in the pic above. to make the whole trip more memorable, the waiter came with 9 shot glasses and a bottle of cognac just when we were about to leave and said it was on the house. wow! pity the cognac was really very very strong, until it kinda burns your throat when you sip it. but really warmed us up.

Backpacker's hostel we stayed in was really cozy. all us loved the free breakfast. and it was the time when you'll see people of all nationalities coming down to the dining area, which had stone walls and was shaped in a dome.


God was indeed at work from the start of our trip up till the very end. we had to spend a night in London's Waterloo Station waiting for the early morn Eurostar to Paris. Initially I thought we'd have to rough it out in the freaking cold train station filled with drunkards and beggars. and i was really getting worried coz we were all shivering and there were all these weird looking people walking around. but at 1am, the security came and gave us instructions to the empty Eurostar arrival hall, which was so much warmer and at least had seats for us to lie and catch a nap. and to wrap up the whole trip down south and Paris, Jon's relatives let all 6 of us crash in their place in London when we came back. There was even char kuey teow, fried vermicilli and spring rolls waiting for us on the table when we arrived at their house. how blessed can we get???

Well, am I glad or am I glad to be back in Dundee! After 4 days in Paris, I understand why people say it's the best and worst tourist place to go to at the same time. Really missed the sun, the clear sky, the safe streets and friendly folk of Dundee. yeap, Dundee has made me loyal.

Merry Christmas folks! Have a great time honoring Jesus' birth this season!

2.30am now...in 4 hrs time will be on a bus to London...and then on the Eurostar to Paris. for some reason, i'm still not exactly excited yet. but will be soon i guess once i step into the Megabus tmrw morn.

Been a crazy week, due to my procrastination in the weeks before and allowing work to pile up before i realize it's the last week of term already. but was good attachment to A&E. seeing how calm and composed the consultants work. and for some reason, the registrars there all look like surfer dudes. in Lena's words, she can imagine them in beach pants. you'd think that A&E is a very scary and hectic place. but it's actually not that at all. saw couple of drunkards in the A&E short stay ward. and the consultant told us that on public hols the bays would be literally littered with vomitus and blood and the place will reek of alcohol coz all the drunkards will come in with cuts/bruises due to falls/fights. right, i wouldn't start dedicating a whole blog entry on how ppl should not drink and get drunk, coz i think tat's just a waste of time. this ppl are too deaf to take any advice anyway. i just wish they could see how stupid they look and act when they come into A&E. like the case of the girl who took the gap in between the chairs of the waiting area as a toilet bowl and started peeing in front of the doctors. wow, i'm sure even a 6 yr old is mentally more developed than that.

put up our christmas decorations at the start of the week.

it's a really small tree, compared to all the big ones we see everywhere. and it definitely looks like a baby tree beside John's huge 7 feet tree. but i still think it looks good with all the lights, deco and presents below. had DCCF Christmas party and when they started singing carols, it really hit me that Christmas IS HERE!

ok should really be getting some sleep. will end off with a passage that Esther read to us during one of the bible studies this week. it's pretty self explanatory.

^'18 When I say to a wicked man, 'You will surely die,' and you do not warn him or speak out to dissuade him from his evil ways in order to save his life, that wicked man will die for his sin, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. ¹⁹ But if you do warn the wicked man and he does not turn from his wickedness or from his evil ways, he will die for his sin; but you will have saved yourself.²⁰ "Again, when a righteous man turns from his righteousness and does evil, and I put a stumbling block before him, he will die. Since you did not warn him, he will die for his sin. The righteous things he did will not be remembered, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. 21 But if you do warn the righteous man not to sin and he does not sin, he will surely live because he took warning, and you will have saved yourself. ' Ezekiel 3: 18-20

The talented M103 of IMU

And {{ THIS }} is how we ownz other batches. In non academic matters at least. but well, depends how you look at it, maybe in academic matters too since we were the batch which set the record...for having the highest failure rates in both summatives and End-Of-Semester Finals. But prayerfully, that's a thing of the past now that we're in different unis.

(Follow Jack's instructions in his blog closely, be patient and wait for the whole video to load or you won't be able to appreciate the whole clip. Beta Blocker girls Sarah, Shirley, Su Ann, Grace...miss you guys loads. oh and the guys of Hypertension too. i should add that in my Christmas list: a demo tape of Beta-blockers or Hypertension)

FOOD! GLORIOUS FOOD!

there's endless fun when staying with 8 other Malaysians. every occasion is a cause for celebration to eat, which suits me just fine, but it also explains the metamorphosis from the once tajam face to the now bulat face. and i keep convincing myself that when spring comes, i'll be out and about everyday doing my evening runs.

Yea right.

but anyways, i digress. this post is about food.

Alex came over for the weekend and we had sweet & sour pork, sarawak laksa, and kaya toast. Saw Sian's birthday on Wed we had a huge gargantuan dinner with fried wantan, meesuah with shittake mushroom & wine chicken soup, papadum and red bean soup.
we baked 2 banana cakes over the last 2 days and made banana+apple+orange smoothie yesterday.
i have this mental image now of myself when January comes...a bak-zhang wrapped up in thick rain/water/snow breaker, waddling my way through the melted slushy snow.
oh sorry, i digressed again.
when you miss home so much, simple things like meesuah and red bean soup REALLY do wonders. kudos to Lena, the chicken wine soup was so heavenly...i could almost still taste it in my mouth now. oh and thanks to WoeiLin we ate the meesuah with cili padi (i'm still amazed that he actually managed to find that here)...which is EXACTLY how my mom would serve it at home. and we discovered that red bean soup goes superbly well with a tinge of Bailey's. it actually taste like santan with red bean soup, except that there was an alcohol aftertaste to it. yum...

ok. here goes my Christmas wish list:
1. 4 return tics M'sia-Scotland for pa, mi, sis and bro OR 1 return tic Scotland-M'sia for me
2. 4 return tics M'sia-Scotland for pa, mi, sis and bro OR 1 return tic Scotland-M'sia for me
3. 4 return tics M'sia-Scotland for pa, mi, sis and bro OR 1 return tic Scotland-M'sia for me

yeap, the inevitable has finally hit me. (Ian, stop snickering)


(wow...my face is seriously tajam at that time...)

hey, at least i survived 4 mths :P it's funny how you can be concentrating on something, and then all the sudden your mind just gets infiltrated with thoughts of home. but no worries, i'm not going to get all emo. right...i really REALLY should be studying.

The days when melancholy reigns

'In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.' 2 Tim 2:20-21

i'm tired. sometimes i look at people around me and question my ability to be that gold and silver, and whether i'm just wood and clay. and it greatly saddens me that i might just be that after all. pardon my arrogance but i was never good at being a small fish in a big pond, and currently, i do feel like a tiny weeny fish trying to swim to the surface.
it's odd coz i know this is exactly what the Devil wants: to allow the spirit of inferiority and inconfidence to gain a foothold on me all over again. there's this profound fear of medrocracy that i'm trying so hard to fight, but at the same time, it's taking hold of me. and i must admit, at times it is so tempting to just say: God, i give up, i'm not good enough, i'll just be contented being a mediocre person.
but no, i don't think i'll ever give Screwtape that pleasure. God still wins after all.

⁵"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. ⁷If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. ⁸This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. ⁹"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. ¹⁰If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. ¹¹I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. John 15: 5-11

Aiky, you want to talk?

I sit in front of a collage of memories,
remembering the times when I sprinted ahead,
with God's purpose, God's will.
I look back on my works,
at the times when the impossible was possible,
and I give thanks for the lives touched, the things changed.
I look back at the path with 2 sets of foot prints,
and I know it wasn't my strength.

I sit in front of an image of the present,
realising that the past can only go so far.
Has my purpose changed?
Can your will be done?
In a setting so different,
can my illumination be seen?
or has it already gone dim?

I sit in front of an abyss of uncertainty,
haunted by the fear that I'm not doing enough,
that I'm not shining enough for you.
I try to sprint and bring others along,
but is it self confidence that I don?
for at times I feel tired,
and the need to prove takes over,
and I want to shun the question:
'Aiky, where are your fruits of salvation?'

Then, I was brought once again to the Cross,
I looked at the nails piercing your flesh,
and all my dreams fell apart,
as my humanly mind tried to grasp
what another man had to go through,
just so I could be well.
And I realise I've missed the whole point,
it's not about what I want to do,
or my acts, or my words for you.
All you asked of me,
was for a loving heart like a child's.

I look on the sand,
there are still 2 sets of footprints.
and I hear someone beside me say:
'Aiky, you want to talk?'
I look up only to find the face of a friend,
who is waiting patiently,
to hear and share my struggles.
But I am left speechless,
for finally I understand,
I only had to look up,
to draw strength and confidence,
from a Father, Friend, and Savior.


I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within
I lay it all down, for the sake of you my king,
i'm giving you my dreams, i'm laying down my rights
i'm giving up my pride, for the promise of new life.
And I surrender all to you. -'Surrender', Justin McRoberts