2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
Psalm 91:1-2
This is complete madness...utter insanity...well, at least by the humanly mind it is. I'm running for this train but it's going faster and faster and I'm never going to be able to catch it.
If I was given a pound for each time the sentence "how in the whole world am I gonna pass my 4th yrs?" goes through my head, I'll easily earn in one week more than a JHO earns in one whole month.
And having been recently self-diagnosed as having amnesia doesn't really help either...I can't even remember what I've been discussing with WoeiLin 24 hrs ago!
But surprisingly, I have been feeling quite alright. As I said, by the humanly mind, I will never be able to comprehend how I'm gonna pull through this. The amount of knowledge I need to grasp, the lateral thinking that I so badly lack (yeap...no more plain memorising like how I can easily do in IMU days), the communication skills that's all second nature to the locals, the countless patient presentation and portfolio stuff that I need to complete...but ultimately, I know all will be alright according to God's purpose.
Had a very odd Sunday service last week. Still don't really know what to make of it. But guess personally, it didn't really sink in well. It was a team from Peru who leads a church of 10 thousands in Peru and has basically brought about a whole revival in that nation. The preacher, who's the senior pastor, is obviously an awesome man of faith. Was preaching about us being children of God and being able to take the whole Dundee by storm, about being filled by the Spirit and having no fears or boundaries. It was a simple message, but I didn't come away feeling more spirit filled, more bold to preach the gospel, or put simply, more edified by the message. And it made me think: have I reached this stage of my spiritual walk that I'm so comfortable at that I no longer yearn for that extra miracle? No doubt I'm serving, doing God's work and praying for friends/family getting saved...but surely there's more to it? I mean look at this guy! He leads a church of 10s of thousands of people! I'm sure his intention was to bring us to the level of faith that he himself has to believe in what God can do, but maybe we can't coz we're quite comfortable at the level of faith that we're at.
Or maybe I just wasn't touched by the msg coz I've become disillusioned along the way of my spiritual walk. Esther and I were just talking about it few weeks back...about how amazing it is to see the faith of a new believer, how they can testify of so many things that have changed. But at times, to 'old' believers, they've heard about the same message being preached, heard about same kind of testimonies being re-iterated again and again...and somehow, some get disensitised to God's power and start to take all these forgranted.
Hmmm...don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to signal that I'm losing faith or anything like that. But it does strike me how easy it is to be comfortable, to take God's protection, blessings and grace forgranted.
"10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."
Psalm 51:10-12
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