Security

Was speaking to a non-believer and she was talking about wanting to find security in herself and not needing to find affirmation or validation from an external source. And it triggered something in me, partly because I used to be that person too, and that was the main reason I came to Christ in the first place, coz it was simply so tiring and unfulfilling to always want to seek acceptance in man.

But I think what triggered me more was to suddenly realise...it's even more tiring to not be secure as a child of God after you have accepted Christ. I've felt that on more occasions than one...of always feeling you're not good enough to be a light for God, that you've said something that has hurt someone and have not been a good testimony, that God calls you to be this and that...but you're not really able to make it. And you've ultimately failed God.

But that's what grace is for...isn't it? to know that God accepts me all the same, forgiving my weaknesses and sins and of the many times when I've failed. That's why Philip Yancey wrote that Grace is almost as if it's something obscene - it's being loved even when you know you don't deserve it at all. That's why it's so hard for the human mind to understand and accept grace, coz the world doesn't function that way, the world doesn't give anything away for free.

If I were to be honest more often, I'd say I'm tired and weary. That maybe I've not been fully convicted of Ephesians 2:8-10
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boost. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

It is always nice and heart warming to read the story of the prodigal son - of how the son turned so far away but was still received with open arms and given the most abundant blessings when he ran back to the father. But sometimes I wonder, how many of us can actually identify with that prodigal son and truly believe that there is a father waiting for us with open arms?

I was reading this article the other day and came across this sentence: "it wasn't too difficult to acknowledge that God is smarter and greater than I am. It was much tougher to convince my flesh that I was not as smart as I thought and that my ways would lead to death." Very true indeed.